Its About Damn Time: The Chicago Cubs Are World Series Champions

On the morning of November 3rd, 2016, at approximately 12:45AM, Kris Bryant (with a smile on his face) fielded a slow roller on the infield grass and threw it to 1B Anthony Rizzo who pocketed the ball in his glass case of emotions to seal the deal on the Cubs first World Series Championship in over a century (108 years).

It really is hard to even fathom how long its been since we’ve seen the Cubbies on top of the baseball world. In 1908, Mark Twain and Thomas Edison were still alive & kicking. The NBA, Mr. Potato Head, and Diet Soda didn’t even exist. To see a team and a fan base who has endured some of the most heart wrenching & gut churning moments in baseball finally come out on top, I think baseball fans across the nation except those shit dicks in St. Louis can agree it’s a happy sight to see. 

The Billy Goat curse has been broken. The beheading of Steve Bartman can finally be forgotten about. The book of curses that surround the Cubbies is finally closed. It’s been exactly 0 years since the Cubs have won a World Series Championship. Somehwhere up in heaven, Harry Caray is biting into a green apple with his big ol’ specs on smiling down at Wrigleyville. 

Rookie of the Year Henry Rowengartner is no longer the fictional prospect Cubs fans have been waiting for, although he could’ve shape shifted into Aroldis Chapman (hot take). 

It’s a great time to be alive if your a baseball fan, but an even better time if you’re a Cubs fan. This is it what makes the game of baseball so romantic. All the drama, the storylines everything. It is safe to say the 2016 World Series will go down as one of the most memorable games in history. Fuck you Rob Manfred.


Why Thursday Night Football Needs to Go

This past Thursday the New York Jets paid Bills Mafia of Buffalo a visit for what was the first Thursday Night Football game of the year, as well as the introduction to the “new and improved” 2016 Color Rush Uniforms

The Jets & Bills played a real barn burner back and forth affair, which ended in a 37-31 victory in favor of Fitzmagic’s Jets. The real story here is why does the NFL still think Thursday Night Football is a good idea. Once a week football fans have no choice but to melt into their couch with a bag of UTZ and a beer and watch a classic Jaguars V Titans game that no one cares about but has no choice but to watch. Why? Because it’s Football.

To make matters worse the NFL decided to make color blinded people feel even shittier about themselves last year by introducing color rush uniforms and God almighty were they ugly… 

It just made Thursday Night Football even more of an eyesore. The Jags look like they decided to take the pigment out of shit from a baby diaper and use it as their uniform.

As for 2016, the Color Rush uniforms improved (barely) but the games will still absolutely suck. Fuck you Goodell.

Here are the 2016 Color Rush Uniforms:

Founding Father of Cooperstown Dreams Park Lou Presutti Dies at Age 75

The Dailystar- Louis A. Presutti, 75, a founder of Cooperstown Dreams Park, was remembered Friday for a legacy of providing opportunities for boys and girls to play baseball and for establishing a business that has contributed to the local economy.

A true travesty to the baseball community far and wide across our great country. Summer after summer, week after week teams from as far as Hawaii & Washington and as near as New York and New Jersey come to compete on the greatest stage in little league baseball. I unfortunately never had the great pleasure of meeting Mr. Presutti, but something tells me this guy lived & breathed the game of baseball, and thoroughly enjoyed giving kids the chance to play in what I like to call “Baseball Heaven.” 

I mean come on look at this guy.. He looks like your prototypical grandpa who just wants to break out the ol’ mit and toss around a ball in the backyard on a Sunday evening. He highlighted mine, and millions of others childhood’s since 1996 when Cooperstown Dreams Park opened its gates. Hands down the best part of the week was trading pins with other teams. For that entire week, pins were the hottest commodity on the barrack blocks and they went like hot cakes. 

(Plainedge Red Devils ’08 Top Right Pin)

Kids would literally drool over a pin that either blinked, shined, made noise, or was “limited edition.” For that one week pins were your life & you just happened to play baseball in between. They had absolutely zero value yet every kid across the complex was itching to get their hands on a pin they haven’t traded for. If you were one of the lucky son of a bitches that got their hands on one of the three Commander Pete pins, you were an instant legend.

This bafoon is Commader Pete. He would hand out 3 of his exclusive pins to 3 different kids and let everyone go haywire over them. If you weren’t on the diamond you were trying to get your hands on one of these bad boys:

Lou Presotti made dreams come true, and put smiles on young ball players and their families every God forsaken summer. Whether it was living in the barracks with your team for a week or getting to walk out onto a fresh diamond every morning, afternoon, and night, you made every moment last and every memory will forever hold a special place in every ball players heart. Thanks for the memories, Lou.

Ben Simmons or Brandon Ingram?

You’re probably going to hear this question for the next decade, Ben Simmons or Brandon Ingram? I’m watching the two face off against one another in a NBA summer league game. Yes I am watching a summer league game on a Saturday night, sue me.

I have always been a BIG Ben Simmons guy hell I was even quoted saying that the LSU Tigers would have a surprise final four appearance, that didn’t go as well as planned. I mean his numbers during his college career are fantastic: 19.2 points, 11.8 rebounds, and 4.8 assists per game. But that does not separate him that much from Ingram. Ingram’s numbers were just as good in college; 17.8 points, 6.8 rebounds, 2.0 assists, and 1.8 blocks per game. In the college game you have to take Ben Simmons, he was playing against boys, but this is a grown man league. Even though I respect the shit out of Ben Simmons when he found out LSU did not make the tournament, kid went and just dropped out of school and hired an agent. But adjusting to the NBA game I don’t think he will do as well, the guy will give you all the flashy passes, rebounds, and highlight dunks but his inability to shoot will kill him in the NBA. In the first quarter of this game, Simmons had the ball behind the three point line and his defender took two steps back and was at the edge of the paint. That’s just a smack in the face, I don’t get how Ben wouldn’t just stay in the gym for hours and just consistently hit a 16-18 footer, hell ill take 45% shooting from 16-18 feet for him, the rest of his game will compliment just the slightest shooting ability and he would be unbelievable. But Simmons was drafted in the worst basketball franchise ever so he will probably die in Philly while he is “trusting the process”. Seriously Philadelphia just make lists and takes names, what the hell happened to Andrew Bynum and Joel Embiid?

Image result for ben simmons

I am slowly starting to love the game of Brandon Ingram. He’s a six foot nine, 190 pound guy that can play any position from the two to the four (SG, SF, PF), and he will put on weight while working with the staff of the LA Lakers. I loved watching him at Duke as well, he can run the floor, dribble, pass, shoot, do it all. Him learning from Coach K gives him an advantage as well, he has coached at the Olympics and can give Ingram advice on any and everything. The key factor on why Ingram will be the better pro is because he can shoot, the NBA is a changed game now. There is no guy that is currently a star in the NBA that is a back to the basket type player who can carry a team, its all about shooters nowadays. Look at the Golden State Warriors they won a championship and made a second consecutive finals appearance with the reigning two time MVP, who happens to be the best SHOOTER ever. Once Ingram grows into his body, he will be unstoppable in the league and he already has a jumpshot, which will allow him to work on the other parts of his game without wasting time on trying to build a jumpshot.

Image result for brandon ingram

I’m a big proponent of the saying “Shooters shoot”, so I’m going to have to go with Brandon Ingram. If Ben Simmons can develop a jumpshot ill give him the nod, but for the time being shooters still shoot. The whole 76ers thing also takes away from Simmons, little did he know when the 76ers won the lottery, he lost it.

Golf In The Olympics, Bad Call.

ESPN DALLAS — U.S. Open champion Dustin Johnson withdrew from the Rio Games on Friday because of concerns over the Zika virus, costing golf three of the world’s top four players for its return to the Olympics after a 112-year absence.

Jordan Spieth is the only player from the top four who has not said whether he is going to Brazil. A decision could come as early as this weekend ahead of The Open Championship. Rickie Fowler also is undecided.

There was a reason why golf wasn’t an Olympic sport and this is just proving that point. I was personally excited to see golf as an Olympic sport because the U.S. was going to clean house with Spieth, Dustin Johnson, and Bubba. But now its just not even going to be fun to watch, if I could see Dustin Johnson drive a ball 370 yards and then read an article of him blowing a couple grand on coke, I’d love it. Even if I saw Jordan Spieth going bald but winning a gold I could get a quick laugh but with both of them most likely not playing what is interesting about it. I wish I could’ve seen Jason Day or Rory McIlroy, hell even Adam Scott play but all of these guys have officially withdrew from the Olympics. Nine players from the top 30 of the golf world rankings have called it quits on the Olympics. Might as well have the little sisters of the poor go try and play 72 holes, I’d rather stub my toe consistency for the duration of the tournament.

There was a reason the last time golf was an Olympic sport was 1904. You read that correct 1904, why the fuck are we bringing it back now, please give me a reason. This is just an idiotic move, golf has grown in popularity but when the games are in a shithole like Rio with bugs causing guys to not be fertile why would they go. Golfers somehow pull hot chicks which I will never know how, but now you’re going to already put these out of shape, weird-ass looking dudes and make their boys not being able to swim, God fucking bless. Listen I hold a hatred for golfers because I have a piss poor golf game, but ill still always be down to play nine or eighteen holes with the boys even though my handicap is 30. Also if they could just start playing best ball in golf that would be great, I dread waking up hungover on Sundays cause my parents are watching golf like its the fucking UFC, cheering their heads off. I’m fine dealing with that, but don’t ruin the Olympics for me like that.

Listen I don’t ask for much but we just need golf to stay out of the Olympics, I’d rather watch two fucking pansies fence one another or watch some fat dyke throw a shot-put 75 yards. Zika is just a sign that golf shouldn’t be an Olympic sport, the big guy upstairs has had enough of fucking golf.

Is Alejandro De Aza the worst person/player of all time?

De aza

Well the answer to this question for most people who have basic motor skills is yes. This man is having one of the worst seasons that I have seen to date and the fact that De Aza is still on this team makes me even more pissed. The Mets decided they didn’t want to win the game last night when they let this piece of human trash pinch hit in the top of the ninth. He then proceeds to strikeout looking and then bitch to the umpire. If i was that ump i would have simply told him that it didn’t matter where the ball was you weren’t hitting it anyway. This man is just a prime example of why its tough being a met fan. The mets are so damn cheap that they refuse to get rid of this man because of his 5.75 million dollar salary. I would do dirty things for 5.75 million dollars and this man just sits on his lazy ass bats .167 and is 4 for his last 42 and is still somehow on this ball club. He can literally suck the momentum and hope out of any baseball game, he is like a power vacuum made to disappoint baseball fans. He even let me down and when he pinch hit in a game i went to and hit a home run just to spite me and give people a reason to say “hey he’s not that bad.”

This is all pretty shocking considering this man prior to this year was a .260 lifetime hitter but i guess over this past off season he must have done something horrible to someone in order to receive this punishment of one of the worst seasons in the history of mankind. All i’m saying is if I was in a room with De Aza, Hitler, and Bin Laden and i had two bullets I would shoot Hitler and Bin Laden (obviously) but after i would throw the gun as hard as I could at De Aza in hopes that he would no longer be in a met uniform after. Overall, De Aza should not be on this roster nor any other roster in the MLB. When Conforto gets brought back up if this man stays on the team over someone like Nimmo i will be writing another article about this horrid man and believe me it wont be as pleasant and Terry Collins will feel my rath.

De aza 2

Mike and Dave: A+

Update: Just re-watched in a living room, it was 1000% the theater effect.


I am fully aware that this is the Post-seeing-a-comedy-in-a-theater-full-of-laughing-people-influencing-your-perspective-on-the-movie high but I don’t care. Laughed my ass off from start to finish. Adam Devine, hated this fucking guy when I first saw him in Modern Family/Pitch Perfect but he’s completely won me over. By the end of the movie I couldn’t look at him without giggling like a school girl. Expected to do that only when Zac Efron had his shirt off. For Zac, he was just okay. Wasn’t unfunny but he certainly suffered sharing 90% of his screen time with such an infectious son of a bitch.

Aubrey Plaza did a number on my heart. Girl oozes charisma. Might actually have to start watching Parks and Rec.

Anna Kendrick is so oddly hot and I don’t know what it is. There are times she can be so unattractive, with that big wig but then there are times where she’s straight up adorable. Pretty sure everyone knows the girl I’m talking about. Without naming names we all certainly know there are some girls who you so strangely want to bang and don’t know why. Like when you take a step back and give them an impartial look over, you realize they’re kinda not hot at all but they have some sort of weird sex appeal to them.
So thats my best summarization of who Anna Kendrick is as a person.

But back to this all around good time. What a film. Gotta hand it to my boy Chernin. Makes me want to go see every movie his company has spit out. Not going to spoil anything but no penetration orgasming absolutely stole the show, along with many other great moments. Really hard to judge right now this movies scale 1-10. Not sure how I’d react watching alone or with a small group, but I’m gonna have to give it a hard 8.75, +/- .5. Seeing it in a theater? 11.