Why Thursday Night Football Needs to Go

This past Thursday the New York Jets paid Bills Mafia of Buffalo a visit for what was the first Thursday Night Football game of the year, as well as the introduction to the “new and improved” 2016 Color Rush Uniforms

The Jets & Bills played a real barn burner back and forth affair, which ended in a 37-31 victory in favor of Fitzmagic’s Jets. The real story here is why does the NFL still think Thursday Night Football is a good idea. Once a week football fans have no choice but to melt into their couch with a bag of UTZ and a beer and watch a classic Jaguars V Titans game that no one cares about but has no choice but to watch. Why? Because it’s Football.

To make matters worse the NFL decided to make color blinded people feel even shittier about themselves last year by introducing color rush uniforms and God almighty were they ugly… 


It just made Thursday Night Football even more of an eyesore. The Jags look like they decided to take the pigment out of shit from a baby diaper and use it as their uniform.

As for 2016, the Color Rush uniforms improved (barely) but the games will still absolutely suck. Fuck you Goodell.

Here are the 2016 Color Rush Uniforms:

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Sasha Vujacic Should Be Removed from America Permanently. 


Why Phil… Why must you bring back this slouch and put shame to the Knicks once again. You could’ve spent that money on two tons of dog shit because that’s what Sasha Vujacic is equivalent to. My hatred for him is neck and neck with that slapdick De Aza.

https://shotgunsports.wordpress.com/2016/07/09/is-alejandro-de-aza-the-worst-personplayer-of-all-time/ 

Vujacic should be shipped back to his worthless homeland of Slovenia to do absolutely anything other than play basketball. This guy shouldn’t be allowed to step foot on hardwood floors again, let alone the prestigious court of Madison Square Garden. I know he will be making the league minimum, and I know we could use a guard, but give me a break for crying out loud this guy is on every Knicks fans shitlist. If there was one player in the entire league that brings nothing positive to the table it’s Sasha Vujacic. No matter which way you cut it, there just isn’t a single good thing about this bozo.

Vujacic posted an abysmal 4.9 PTS per game, to go along with a 1.4 assists per game last season. It’s not even like this guy is one of those likeable shitty players that everyone loves to see go in the game in the final 15 seconds and hit a pointless 3. He’s the exact opposite… I want this guy locked in a broom closet as far away from a basketball court as possible. He shouldn’t be allowed to own anything that pertains to the sport. Vujacic, do New York and more importantly America and leave.

Daryl Strawberry Admits to Getting Laid in Between Innings

Bleacher Report: Former MLB outfielder Darryl Strawberry stated Thursday he used to pick women out of the crowd and have sex with them in the clubhouse in between innings.

“Between innings. It worked out well, just how crazy it was,” Strawberry said. “It kind of worked out that way. You point [a woman] out and tell the kid [to go get her].”

Strawberry also discussed “drinking in the clubhouse and smoking cigarettes in the dugout,” according to Yahoo Sports.

As if Daryl wasn’t already a complete stud. You know you’re the man when you can plow out a fan in the clubhouse in between innings on the regular. I really wonder how this was even remotely possible. Just imagine Cespedes or Harvey whistling up to some broad in the stands between innings so they can sneak a quickie in the clubhouse. Wouldn’t be a total surprise if Doc & Daryl Eiffel Towered a bitch in the clubhouse before, during, or even after a game. I’m sure between them two Keith, and Lenny Dykstra, they could’ve turned Shea Stadium into a fucking Brothel.

In mean there was no way of denying it, Daryl was the dog of all dogs. Whether it was the insurmountable amount of drugs, arrests, and women or just his flat out actions, Straw was always the center of attention and it usually wasn’t good. Just imagine what this guy did the night the Mets won the World Series. You can bet your bottom dollar that he hit the slopes as hard as he’s ever hit them. I can just picture him shirtless, covered in champagne, railing lines off some prostitues ass.


Those ’86 Mets could’ve gotten away with murder and there isn’t a doubt in my mind they actually did a time or two. To be honest I really missed out on being able to watch the ’86 Mets do what they did. It’s about time ESPN decided to document this team (30 for 30: Doc & Daryl airs tonight at 9:00) considering all that surrounded them. What that group of guys did on and off the field will forever live in infamy, and today we give thanks to the men who made up the greatest team baseball has ever seen.


Stanton and His Forearms steal show & Crown at HR Derby

ESPN- His mom calls him Cruz. Teammates call him Bigfoot. Most baseball fans know him as Mike Stanton, precocious slugger for the Miami Marlins, but his first name is actually Giancarlo.

“The man of a million names,” Stanton said.

Cruz, Mike, Giancarlo, or Bigfoot. You may call him whatever the fuck you want to call him, just know this guy mashes baseballs like no one has ever done before. Stanton sent YABO’s into orbit last night. Chris Berman was running out of corny HR calls after “Bigfoot” blasted 61 Dingers. It took Roger Maris an entire season to crank 61. Giancarlo crushed Bobby Abreu’s total HR record in the Derby by TWENTY (!!!) count ’em 20 YABO’s.


I mean you can’t tell me this guy wasn’t chiseled to perfection by the baseball Gods. Those forearms are thicker than yesterday’s oatmeal. 50 sets of 50 forearm curls for Giancarlo BABY WOW! You cut this guy’s pecs open and find 2 porterhouse steaks. If Miami didn’t have Stanton they would literally be the most useless group of people ever assembled. He made himself worth every bit of that lucrative 13 year, $325 million dollar contract he signed due to the fact that he’s a human homerun machine. It was like swing after swing you just knew the ball was going to come close to crushing the scoreboard, or hit the 3rd deck of Petco Park tonight. He was a man amongst boys last night and it’s hard to argue that this guys is hands down the best slugger baseball has seen since the Steroid Era with Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa. The only difference is Stanton is he’s doing it juice free (As far as we know). 

http://youtu.be/p3OJGfkv9y4

The only thing that would’ve made tonight better is seeing Stanton’s hitting coach Barry Bonds apart of the show. I bet you put a bat in his hands and he can still take a one way trip to souvenir city a dozen or so times. Props to Manfred (Said no one ever) for initiating this time limit instead of the ol’ 10 out rule. It makes the Derby much less painful to watch.


Baseball would be doing a disservice if the didn’t put Cespedes and Stanton in a Derby together. You want to talk about YABO Central? Those guys would kill people with baseballs. Not a single fan, nor NARP outfielder would be safe. For now. Stanton’s bomb-dropping performance will do until next year. Go shit in a hat Manfred.

Mind boggling. 27,187 feet of straight YABO.

Wil Myers Deserves ASG MVP For Hosting Noah Syndergaard

With just 2 days till the Midsummer Classic, Noah Syndergaard has finally found a place to stay to keep his fatigued oil can rested up, and golden locks shampooed & conditioned:
The temporary “ballpark abode” chosen by Thor belongs to the one and only Wil Myers, Outfielder of the San Diego Padres. All I have to say is Wil Myers you are one lucky son of a bitch. You get the privilege of having a handsome stallion sleep under the same roof as you. I wouldn’t wash those sheets ever. What I don’t understand is that out of all the places Noah Syndergaard could’ve stayed, he decides to take the spacious and decorative guest room of… Wil Myers? Granted Syndergaard is only making a measly $535,375 dollars this season, but come on man find a Courtyard Marriot suite or maybe a Hilton. 


No Wil Myers… This is your dream come true. I would love nothing more than to enjoy roasting mallows over the fire pit, BBQing baby back ribs, and detoxing in the sauna with Noah Syndergaard. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find out Myers is homosexual after the all-star break on account of Thor. I mean who can blame him, right?


For just $63 dollars a night Noah Syndergaard gets to make Wil Myers not only the luckiest, but the happiest human being in California. Me not liking this is strictly a jealousy factor more than anything. If I were Wil Myers I would be creeping into Noah’s room in the middle of the night just to run my hands through his beautiful golden mane. Something tells me Thor is a Pantene guy but I could be dead wrong. I wouldn’t doubt him using TRESemmè products either. All I know is that guy conditions like a motherfucker. Wil Myers if you’re reading, God chose you… take care of Thor, ice his shoulder, comb his hair, and don’t get any ideas.

Why Steph Curry is a Scoundrel

Yahoo SportsOver Fourth of July weekend, Curry, the reigning NBA MVP, hosted a basketball camp on the island that cost $2,000 for day campers and $2,250 for those wanting to stay overnight.
Wow. Just wow. We all think this guy is a good egg don’t we? We all fell for the baby-faced, upcoming athlete with a beautiful family and a good heart. WRONG! What’s even worse is he’s charging an additional $250 bones just to lay your head on a pillow for a night. I mean for Christ sake Curry probably finds that in his couch cushions. He probably let’s Riley use her God damn crayons on them. For crying out loud he probably let’s Ayesha wipe her ass with $250. I know the guy hasn’t hit big on a Mac contract yet but give me a break, you have a bagillion dollar deal with Under Armour, you’re the former MVP of the NBA, you’re on the cover of 2K, yet you still have the nerve to charge these little snot rags upwards of $2,000 dollars?! What kind of millionaire athlete charges a bunch of prepubic children $2,000 dollars just to do this:

https://instagram.com/p/BHgPlVTjGkn/

Curry humiliated this poor bastard, and I’m sure many others that were lucky enough not to get caught on tape. We get it Steph, you’re good at shooting basketballs and dribbling them around people… Cool. Don’t mortify a 12 year old though. The sad part is that kid is probably going around town telling people “Yo I got a fool made of myself by Steph Curry!” Not cool little man… You’re the laughing stock of social media.

Why Noah Syndergaard deserves to be the N.L Starting Pitcher

This Tuesday, July 12th at 8:00PM, Major League Baseball will host the 87th annual Midsummer Classic, otherwise known as the All-Star Game. Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres is the venue for this always exciting event. National League and more importantly Mets manager Terry Collins has one job & one job only: Start Thor.


I understand the bone spur debacle that caused some awesome beef between Syndergaard & Mets Beat Reporter Adam Rubin:


But come on Terry, the guy is electric. The  world deserves to see Thor and his Lion mane take the bump Tuesday night and blow away the American League with his 100 MPH heat. I even hope he gets to face that little prick Alcides Escobar one more time so he can throw a four-seamer right through his mug. The ball is in Terry’s court, and God so help me and all other Mets fans if we find out Terry hands the ball to division rival Stephen Strasburg, or the guy who beat him in last years World Series Johnny Cueto. Don’t get me wrong, both gentlemen are well-deserving candidates:


but Terry has one choice and one choice only: Thor.