GoFundMe to Buyout De Aza’s Contract

So your boys started a GoFundMe page to help the stingy, frugal Mets buyout Alejandro De Aza’s contract. You’re Goddamn right we did. And to be completely honest, I’m a little embarrassed and shocked at the NYM faithful that it took this long to do so. This guy is human trash and he’s killing this team. If you want the full true feelings, read Jamz’s blog on this dog or go read our write up on the GoFundMe page.
If you’re just as cheap at the Wilpons, you can do your part by tweeting the link at a few big names. I’ve made a list.
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Now I’m not so naive to think that cutting De Aza will change everything, but it’s a pretty damn good way to start. You’ve got this lazy asshole, suckin’ all the charisma out of the locker room like a vacuum, taking up space, taking strikes down the dick. It can’t happen. We’ve got our future sitting in the minors in Conforto, while this guy is up here not running out balls to first. I am aware that Conforto needs some time down there to refine his craft because he was literally hurled into the MLB in a pretty irresponsible way and he began to struggle, largely in part to our own Shotgun writer Soup purchasing his jersey. But even at his worst, De Aza couldn’t shine his cleats.

Don’t try to give me the bullshit that the Mets had to get De Aza because when they didn’t think they were resigning YO that they needed a lefty to platoon with Lagares. There were extremely intelligent and handsome fans out there who were laying out perfectly fine options all the way back in November.

Another option, an option $5,176,000 cheaper was Captain KIRK. Not a huge fan favorite but he had his supporters and he certainly wasn’t hated as much as to warrant a GoFundMe page to be started in his name to get him kicked off the team and hopefully out of the state.

Let me just break this down for you.
Kirk:
OBP: .326/SLUG: .367/Hits: 41/RBIs: 26/Runs: 22/Walks:34/SB:7/Doubles:14/HRs:5/BA: .209
De Aza:
OBP: .252/SLUG: .269/Hits: 19/RBIs: 6/ Runs: 7/ Walks: 10/SB: 2/Doubles: 4/HRs: 2/BA: .176

So we are paying a guy $5 million plus to do worse than a guy we already had who is getting paid $500,000. Blasphemous.

Whatever, what’s done is done but are you going to invest or not? Just think of the kind of money a socialist jew rallied up with small donations. We can do this people.

And just to be clear, Bernie Sanders made $222,642,125 in small donations.
By comparison, we’re not asking for a lot here people. Do your part, don’t be cocky.

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EL CHAPO From Downtown!

With no regard for human life, El Chapo strikes again! Well not really, but the internet thinks so and that leads to some fire memes and tweets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although Chap couldn’t pull off the coveted triple crown, escaping prison an astounding two times, while being treated like the second coming of Pablo Escobar, is nothing to sneeze at. I can only hope that when Shotgun takes off and I can get involved in some insider trading, that I have the loyal friends Chap Mans got, that’ll dig a mile long tunnel equipped with a mobile seat so I don’t have to take a step.

UFC 200 Tonight

https://vine.co/v/5aFF6rFegpJ/embed/simple

Like Wrestlemania but not, because they can’t really make the results sick if they wanted to. The road to 200 hasn’t been easy. I’m honestly the last guy who should be talking about UFC but since Brock is fighting and I got a free shirt from a UFC gym handing them out at a BWW, I figure I’ll take a stab at it.

So this was supposed to be one epic event. Conor McGregor, Ronda Rousey, Jon Jones, etc. but everything got fucked up. McGregor weirdly decided one day that he was retiring, then not retiring and for some reason this led to Dana taking him off the card for 200. Ronda would be heading this shit but she got her head kicked off and nobodies heard from her since. And Jones had so much fun during his last suspension he decided he would go for it one more time. I’ll hand it to them, replacing Jones with Silva isn’t the worst move. Wouldn’t complain seeing Silva wrap his shin bone around Cormier’s head.

For the women, Tate beat Holm, who beat Ronda, but Ronda beat Tate twice, so we should probably just give Ronda the belt back? Either way that should be a fine fight I suppose.

Travis Browne Vs. Cain Velasquez. Heard Cain’s name for years so he must be good. Two huge dudes slugging it out, fine.

Scarface returns after McGregor embarrassed the shit out of him. You train for months for this fight. Countless hours in the gym, training every day, cutting weight, these guys go through pure hell. This guy Aldo goes through all this shit to walk over to the middle of the octagon and take one shot in the mush and goes down like a sack of potatoes. Then has the balls to take the next 5 shows off. Fuck you, get your ass back out there. He should’ve been forced to have another fight directly after that one.

But the real reason I’m here, The Beast Incarnate, BROCK LESNAR. Ol’ Tricky Dick Vince has got to have something up his sleeve here. There is absolutely no shot that Vincent Kennedy McMahon allows his prize possession, the man who was allowed to beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and not lose since, to go out there and risk losing it all. All credibility goes out the window with a loss here. Vince is literally betting the company. The man built to be an unstoppable force in WWE, not allowing anybody to get a lick of offense in on him, the only thing bringing an ounce of legitimacy to the WWE cannot walk into a real sport and get his ass handed to him. Personally I believe Brock is a monster who is going to knock the carbohydrates out of this big fat guy. But all I’m saying is don’t be surprised to see in the middle of the 3rd round, when it looks like Brock is closing in on a victory, Randy Orton hop the cage and deliver an RKO out of nowhere setting up their hyped match for SummerSlam.

Remember, Vince always wins.

Mike and Dave: A+

Update: Just re-watched in a living room, it was 1000% the theater effect.

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I am fully aware that this is the Post-seeing-a-comedy-in-a-theater-full-of-laughing-people-influencing-your-perspective-on-the-movie high but I don’t care. Laughed my ass off from start to finish. Adam Devine, hated this fucking guy when I first saw him in Modern Family/Pitch Perfect but he’s completely won me over. By the end of the movie I couldn’t look at him without giggling like a school girl. Expected to do that only when Zac Efron had his shirt off. For Zac, he was just okay. Wasn’t unfunny but he certainly suffered sharing 90% of his screen time with such an infectious son of a bitch.

Aubrey Plaza did a number on my heart. Girl oozes charisma. Might actually have to start watching Parks and Rec.

Anna Kendrick is so oddly hot and I don’t know what it is. There are times she can be so unattractive, with that big wig but then there are times where she’s straight up adorable. Pretty sure everyone knows the girl I’m talking about. Without naming names we all certainly know there are some girls who you so strangely want to bang and don’t know why. Like when you take a step back and give them an impartial look over, you realize they’re kinda not hot at all but they have some sort of weird sex appeal to them.
So thats my best summarization of who Anna Kendrick is as a person.

But back to this all around good time. What a film. Gotta hand it to my boy Chernin. Makes me want to go see every movie his company has spit out. Not going to spoil anything but no penetration orgasming absolutely stole the show, along with many other great moments. Really hard to judge right now this movies scale 1-10. Not sure how I’d react watching alone or with a small group, but I’m gonna have to give it a hard 8.75, +/- .5. Seeing it in a theater? 11.

Big Sexy to the All Star Game!

CBSsports – Giants ace Madison Bumgarner is an All-Star this season and deservedly so. He’s also pitching on Sunday, making him ineligible to pitch in the Midsummer Classic on Tuesday. Thus, the NL gets a replacement and that replacement will be Mets starter Bartolo Colon.
Colon, 43, is pitching in his 19th big-league season and this marks the fourth All-Star trip for the former Cy Young winner.
This season, Colon is 7-4 with a 3.28 ERA, 1.22 WHIP and 65 strikeouts in 98 2/3 innings. He re-signed with the Mets this past offseason on a one-year, $7.25 million deal and has been invaluable, especially in light of Matt Harvey’s woes.
Colon is the oldest All-Star this season. The youngest, Corey Seager, was four years old when Colon made his first All-Star Game.

 

Good for Big Baby Bart, good for Terry, good for baseball. This is a huge power move. Anything this guy does on a ball field is electric, as evident below.

I’m a 20 year old college baseball player and there is a 0.0% chance I would be able to pull off a work of art like that. That’s right, a 43 year old, morbidly obese man would absolutely house me in an athletic competition of any kind, and there is no shame in it.

Great move by baseball here. In a time where Rob Manfred is actively trying to ruin the game (to be blogged about later), this is something that can entertain fans of all kinds. Traditional old timer fans, new young fans, casual fans, saber-metric geeks, all can rally around seeing Bartolo Colon do anything on a sports field of any kind. And don’t be surprised to see them pull put this move for the Home Run Derby either, replacing a nerd like Will Myers or Adam Duvall. Bartolo means ratings. If another sport wants to adapt this marketing model, please do so. Close your eyes and picture Bartolo Colon draining 3’s or doing a dunk of any sort. I rest my case.

Pizza Shop Owner Whacked

The Daily News– The co-owner of a popular Brooklyn pizzeria gunned down in his backyard was remembered Tuesday for treating every customer like a king.
Barbati had just arrived home carrying over $10,000 in cash from his pizzeria when the shooter ambushed him — but failed to take the cash, police sources say.
The New York Times– Mr. Barbati was wearing jewelry at the time, but that was also left behind, officials have said.
Mr. Barbati was shot as he returned for dinner with his family, carrying a loaf of Italian bread and more than $10,000 — which was not taken.

 

First off, WHAT could you do to a man that leaves him so angry that he is able to murder you in plain sight and leave $10,000 CASH just sitting there on the sidewalk. Mr. Barbati had to have done some serious shit to this guy and he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy you want to mess with. Think of the kind of man who is capable of murder, then think about the kind of man capable of just leaving that sum of money on the floor, untouched. Not to mention a presumably fresh loaf of Italian bread.

All kidding aside, this is a clear mob hit. Does it get more prototypical Italian mobster than jewelry, pizza, $10,000 cash and a loaf of Italian bread? I can say I’ve worked at pizza shops before landing this lucrative, luxury job and these owners are out of their minds with the secret shit going on behind the scenes. Relationship with every single member of the residing county, offering more free food than financially recommended, drugs, sex, crime, all comes with the trade of owning a pizza shop. I can only imagine the size of the horse’s head Mr. Barbati left in this guy’s bed that set him off.

So there you have it. Pizza shop owner = Mob