The Definitive All-Met Killer Team


So after watching Daniel Murphy kill the Mets again last night to the tune of another homer and 3 more RBI’s, I was thinking back to all the other guys that have killed the Mets in the past. Daniel Murphy is just the most recent of many players that have absolutely murdered the Mets over their careers and it only took a half a season for him to join the club. I mean we all knew the second he signed with Washington, he was gonna destroy the Mets everytime he played them but I don’t think anyone really expected it to be this bad this fast. So let’s go ahead and take a look at the starting lineup for the All-Met Killer Team and see where Daniel Murphy fits in.

Catcher: Yadier Molina


Honestly don’t know if he’s been any good against the Mets for his career. I know he crushed my dreams in game 7 of the 2006 NLCS though with the game winning homerun so that earns you a spot on the squad.

1st Base: Daniel Murphy


The reason I’m even thinking about all these guys. Murphy has 6 homeruns against the Mets this season before the all star break. He had 5 homeruns all of last year against every team before last years all star game. Safe to say he’ll be the reason I wanna kill myself in the upcoming years.

2nd Base: Chase Utley


Look at that fucking smirk. Fuck Chase Utely. The guy managed to make Reuben Tejada likeable somehow. That’s how much Mets fans hate Chase Utley. I repeat, Fuck Chase Utley.

SS: Jimmy Rollins


Jimmy Rollins basically makes this team for what he did to my poor heart in 2007 alone. This asshole called the Phillies the “team to beat” in the NL East while they were down like 12 games and God dammit apparently he was right cuz he brought the Phillies all the way back , won the division and he won the NL MVP in the process.

3B: Chipper Jones


49 homers against the Mets. 14 straight NL East Titles. Named his daughter “Shea.” I think that’s all that needs to be said.

OF: Pat Burrell


Pat Fucking Burrell. The most average Left Fielder you could find in the MLB. Until he played the Mets. Then the guy morphed into some sort of baseball God. 42 out of his 292 homeruns were against the Mets. I’m convinced the man was only put on this Earth to rip out the hearts of Mets fans and stomp the life out of them.

OF: Jayson Werth


Werthless. Guys made a habit out of killing the Mets during his years on both the Phillies and the Nats. He’s played in the division for the last 10 years and he just won’t go away. Another guy that I’m not really sure what his numbers look like against the Mets. I just know I see him and his stupid fucking hair and his stupid fucking beard on the team that wins the division every year and it drives me nuts.

OF: Giancarlo Stanton


As Stanton displayed in his last series against the Mets where he hit 4 homeruns in 4 at bats, the guy has a habit of going YABO against the Mets in his young career. The guys only 26 years old and is gonna be playing for the Marlins for a looooong time so he looks poised to break the record for most homers against the Mets.

SP: Greg Maddux


One of the guys that absolutely owned the Mets in the early 90’s on the way to the Braves winning 14 straight division titles. The guy has 35 wins against the Mets which is absolutely absurd for a guy who looks like such a god damn square.

Relief Pitcher: Aaron Heilman


This fucking guy. Probably my least favorite Met of all time. In my mind I think he blew the lead every time he entered the game as a Met. I know that’s probably not true but it’s gotta be close. Thanks for costing us a World Series in ’06 you cocksucker. Gotta be more of a met killer than the rest of the team combined.


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