With just 2 days till the Midsummer Classic, Noah Syndergaard has finally found a place to stay to keep his fatigued oil can rested up, and golden locks shampooed & conditioned:
The temporary “ballpark abode” chosen by Thor belongs to the one and only Wil Myers, Outfielder of the San Diego Padres. All I have to say is Wil Myers you are one lucky son of a bitch. You get the privilege of having a handsome stallion sleep under the same roof as you. I wouldn’t wash those sheets ever. What I don’t understand is that out of all the places Noah Syndergaard could’ve stayed, he decides to take the spacious and decorative guest room of… Wil Myers? Granted Syndergaard is only making a measly $535,375 dollars this season, but come on man find a Courtyard Marriot suite or maybe a Hilton.
No Wil Myers… This is your dream come true. I would love nothing more than to enjoy roasting mallows over the fire pit, BBQing baby back ribs, and detoxing in the sauna with Noah Syndergaard. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find out Myers is homosexual after the all-star break on account of Thor. I mean who can blame him, right?
For just $63 dollars a night Noah Syndergaard gets to make Wil Myers not only the luckiest, but the happiest human being in California. Me not liking this is strictly a jealousy factor more than anything. If I were Wil Myers I would be creeping into Noah’s room in the middle of the night just to run my hands through his beautiful golden mane. Something tells me Thor is a Pantene guy but I could be dead wrong. I wouldn’t doubt him using TRESemmè products either. All I know is that guy conditions like a motherfucker. Wil Myers if you’re reading, God chose you… take care of Thor, ice his shoulder, comb his hair, and don’t get any ideas.