Life Without Langston: The 2016-2017 Knickerbockers & The Wild World of the NBA Free Agency

And so it begins… With NBA free agency well underway, the talk around the league the last 24 hours is the shocking departure of Guard…. Langston Galloway. Totally kidding, Dwade left smug Pat Reilly for a Chi-Town homecoming with the Bulls on a 2 year, $47 million dollar deal with a player option after year one. Enough of that MumboJumbo though, Langston Galloway of all people turned his back on the Big Apple to pair himself with the Brow Anthony Davis of the Pelicans, signing a ground-breaking 2 year, $10 million dollar deal with a player option after year one (The MSG doors haven’t closed on his return just yet!). He would’ve found himself a comfortable position coming off the bench for the Knicks, after they acquired former MVP Derrick Rose in a deal that sent Robin Lopez, Jerian Grant, and last & certainly least, Jose Calderon. Zen Master Phil also struck deals with Courtney Lee, Joakim Noah, and Brandon Jennings to pair with Melo And the Latvian Unicorn Kristaps Porzingis. I’d estimate the Knicks win total with a healthy Rose/Noah somewhere between 40-45. Considering neither will last more than half the season, they’ll probably shit the bed before All-Star break, and Carmelo will pout. With Jeff Hornacek, Anything is possible!

Suming up this years free agency in one word: BLASPEHMY (*Stephen A. Smith voice). Guys like Mike fucking Conley receive the richest contract (5 years, $153 million dollars) in NBA HISTORY. MIKE CONLEY! What kind of world are we living in where a guard that more than 80% of the average basketball fan population has no idea who in the wide world of sports Mike Conley is. The guy is making more money in the next five years than Dwayne Wade, the 3-time Champ has made in his entire career. The only thing worse then that is that European stick-in-shit Timofey Mozgov earning a 4 year, $64 million dollar deal with Jeanie Buss’ Lakers. The guy has the lateral movement of a brick and is making 16 million dollars a year for the next four years. He is making more money per season, than the TOTAL points he scored (15) in the entire 2016 playoffs. Adam Silver needs to initiate some sort of rule that keeps teams from paying a bunch of middle of the pack slapdicks all this money. He also needs to tell the Warriors to play fair considering they are going to ruin the fun in basketball (whatever fun there is) for as long as KD is in town. I need to stick to offseason sports that actually make sense to me, not the circus that comes around every summer known as the National Basketball Association.


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